-Jack-ass in the box, please go fuck yourself.
-My handwriting changes more often than does my underware.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Sunday, November 21, 2010
untitled no. 2
October 4, 2010
Riverwalk, WI*
What do you do when the only person you can talk to is the last person you want to talk to?
Riverwalk, WI*
What do you do when the only person you can talk to is the last person you want to talk to?
things, or, i don't know
September 29th, 2010
Catalano Square, WI
My head is full of everything. I never have a moments peace between myself and my surroundings.
And, the thing is, I'm not sure why this is. I don't know if it's because I grew up in a culture always expecting change and improvement. I don't know if others feel the things I do, in the way that I do.
There must be variations of it - as I've said, there's a black and white to every and all things, but there are also countess shades of unimaginable colors in between.
I do know that this is me and that I'm pretty sure I'll be this way for a while. I'll think these things, in these ways. I have things to accomplish, things to change. Things I can't possible foresee.
I have to accept this. I do accept this. Because I believe that somewhere down the road something good and great and delightful awaits me.
I have to believe that.
I'd like to get a jump start on things but I also need to establish myself.
Should I finish school? Should I have even gone? Maybe if I were out doing something else with my life, my time, I'd realize that something else was my calling... or maybe I'd find some 100% once in a lifetime opportunities that were granted to me based on character, talent, and who I am rather than what any degree tells me and others what it is that I should be doing.
I just don't know! I guess I'm not supposed to.
As of now, I need to live for myself through helping others - doing the most basic and essential things. I'll give back everything, eventually. I have no desire to owe or to be indebted or anyone thing, place, or person; materials, emotions, physical objects, conceptual things...
I also have no desire to fuel the unnecessary. This includes luxuries, yet does not exclude the experience of having a good time with life, letting go, and enjoying whatever it is in front of me.
Example: working in a chocolate shop does not provide the most necessary services to others or to myself, but enjoying the company of others, the flavors of great food and drink... this is what makes a life.
I am human.
I can't be a completely listless shell.
Everything in moderation, right?
But I struggle. I have internal and external conflicts. I over think and second guess. I want to be interesting and noteworthy, but feel guilt for having those desires.
Yet where would I be if it weren't for those who inspired me with their own creativity and individuality?
Oh, who can begin to understand anything.
My strongest consolation as of now is that by writing, acknowledging, and doing this little by little I am releasing myself. It won't ever all come at once... and it might not ever come at all. But there's this feeling I've got. A mixture of hope, fear, inspiration, restlessness, and despair that keeps pushing me.
It's just a matter of how strong I can be when I need strength and how humble I can be when I need help.
Maybe some day all of these musings and proclamations will come to a head and help me in some way. And if not, then it at least calms me now.
Catalano Square, WI
My head is full of everything. I never have a moments peace between myself and my surroundings.
And, the thing is, I'm not sure why this is. I don't know if it's because I grew up in a culture always expecting change and improvement. I don't know if others feel the things I do, in the way that I do.
There must be variations of it - as I've said, there's a black and white to every and all things, but there are also countess shades of unimaginable colors in between.
I do know that this is me and that I'm pretty sure I'll be this way for a while. I'll think these things, in these ways. I have things to accomplish, things to change. Things I can't possible foresee.
I have to accept this. I do accept this. Because I believe that somewhere down the road something good and great and delightful awaits me.
I have to believe that.
I'd like to get a jump start on things but I also need to establish myself.
Should I finish school? Should I have even gone? Maybe if I were out doing something else with my life, my time, I'd realize that something else was my calling... or maybe I'd find some 100% once in a lifetime opportunities that were granted to me based on character, talent, and who I am rather than what any degree tells me and others what it is that I should be doing.
I just don't know! I guess I'm not supposed to.
As of now, I need to live for myself through helping others - doing the most basic and essential things. I'll give back everything, eventually. I have no desire to owe or to be indebted or anyone thing, place, or person; materials, emotions, physical objects, conceptual things...
I also have no desire to fuel the unnecessary. This includes luxuries, yet does not exclude the experience of having a good time with life, letting go, and enjoying whatever it is in front of me.
Example: working in a chocolate shop does not provide the most necessary services to others or to myself, but enjoying the company of others, the flavors of great food and drink... this is what makes a life.
I am human.
I can't be a completely listless shell.
Everything in moderation, right?
But I struggle. I have internal and external conflicts. I over think and second guess. I want to be interesting and noteworthy, but feel guilt for having those desires.
Yet where would I be if it weren't for those who inspired me with their own creativity and individuality?
Oh, who can begin to understand anything.
My strongest consolation as of now is that by writing, acknowledging, and doing this little by little I am releasing myself. It won't ever all come at once... and it might not ever come at all. But there's this feeling I've got. A mixture of hope, fear, inspiration, restlessness, and despair that keeps pushing me.
It's just a matter of how strong I can be when I need strength and how humble I can be when I need help.
Maybe some day all of these musings and proclamations will come to a head and help me in some way. And if not, then it at least calms me now.
untitled no. 1
September 28th, 2010
Milwaukee, WI***
I'll be like this for a while
I must accept it before I fall asleep
It's a destiny.
Some have fortunes that they achieve, full fill
Some have fates and fuck everything up
So they just fade out-
Among those who were never given a destination at all
There are levels, degrees, variables
Never just black and white.
It's an entire range in between!
Rotating, swirling, mixing
Forever moving outward
The white center is birth and mother
The black is fading life - essentially death
Red is the hottest, closest to Origin
It's a continuum, after all
A Movement without breaks
All stops pulled, ready to go
Milwaukee, WI***
I'll be like this for a while
I must accept it before I fall asleep
It's a destiny.
Some have fortunes that they achieve, full fill
Some have fates and fuck everything up
So they just fade out-
Among those who were never given a destination at all
There are levels, degrees, variables
Never just black and white.
It's an entire range in between!
Rotating, swirling, mixing
Forever moving outward
The white center is birth and mother
The black is fading life - essentially death
Red is the hottest, closest to Origin
It's a continuum, after all
A Movement without breaks
All stops pulled, ready to go
strawberry fields
Boy sits on bed.
Girl joins him.
They sit, face to face. Staring.
Girl gives boy a hand mirror to hold.
She begins to put on her makeup.
foundation,
eyeliner,
shadow,
mascara,
blush,
lipstick,
gloss
If looks could kill.
Girl joins him.
They sit, face to face. Staring.
Girl gives boy a hand mirror to hold.
She begins to put on her makeup.
foundation,
eyeliner,
shadow,
mascara,
blush,
lipstick,
gloss
If looks could kill.
i thought
September 14, 2010
Milwaukee, WI*
I thought freezing juice in ice trays would be a wonderful treat.
I thought it'd be perfect for alleviating cotton mouth and the munchies.
I thought it'd be cool, tasty, healthy, refreshing.... all of the above.
But then I experience the worst brain freeze of my entire fucking life.
Currently, my ears are cold water.
Milwaukee, WI*
I thought freezing juice in ice trays would be a wonderful treat.
I thought it'd be perfect for alleviating cotton mouth and the munchies.
I thought it'd be cool, tasty, healthy, refreshing.... all of the above.
But then I experience the worst brain freeze of my entire fucking life.
Currently, my ears are cold water.
a stroll
September 12, 2010
Milwaukee, WI
I came across a praying mantis along the river walk tonight. She stood on a cement railing that was shrouded in a dim red light, cast off from some left over construction lights. At first she shied away from me, but then move closer, staring at me with huge black eyes. Button eyes, full of curiosity.
Being out in the city at night is both terrifying and exhilarating.
Due to a sidewalk closure I was directed onto the opposite side of the river that I had, up until that point, not ventured along. What a surprise! There were tangled copper archways lined with lights, ivy, and stones. The mellow lighting that was emitted complimented my mood almost perfectly.
A man with three teeth sat on a bench in Pere Marquette Park. On his lap was an open laptop and in his hand was a lit cigarette. He smiled, sticky gums protruding, and asked how I was doing. I answered, and returned the greeting.
"Doin' jes fine. Got meh cawfee and I'm surfin' the net."
Milwaukee, WI
I came across a praying mantis along the river walk tonight. She stood on a cement railing that was shrouded in a dim red light, cast off from some left over construction lights. At first she shied away from me, but then move closer, staring at me with huge black eyes. Button eyes, full of curiosity.
Being out in the city at night is both terrifying and exhilarating.
Due to a sidewalk closure I was directed onto the opposite side of the river that I had, up until that point, not ventured along. What a surprise! There were tangled copper archways lined with lights, ivy, and stones. The mellow lighting that was emitted complimented my mood almost perfectly.
A man with three teeth sat on a bench in Pere Marquette Park. On his lap was an open laptop and in his hand was a lit cigarette. He smiled, sticky gums protruding, and asked how I was doing. I answered, and returned the greeting.
"Doin' jes fine. Got meh cawfee and I'm surfin' the net."
Friday, November 19, 2010
isms
kathy,
sometimes i just lay awake at night and start thinking about my existence
and so
i have to call my mom
what's cannabis?
turn on some fiddler,
we're going to skype with the brothers
yours in growth,
bittersweet buttercup
sometimes i just lay awake at night and start thinking about my existence
and so
i have to call my mom
what's cannabis?
turn on some fiddler,
we're going to skype with the brothers
yours in growth,
bittersweet buttercup
terminal C17, enroute to Denver
dear fang,
beat's got a bitter boss
because a Ukraine girl fucked her husband
and she saw it through a window
so now they can't befriend the foreigners
or something
see you
beat's got a bitter boss
because a Ukraine girl fucked her husband
and she saw it through a window
so now they can't befriend the foreigners
or something
see you
three baths
July 16, 2010
Secret Beach*
Swim in gorges
Sunsets and blue clouds
and pink highlights.
I was energized and charged
I saw a chariot taking souls to the gods
and I was cast in a ethereal light that reached up to the sky.
Cotton eagles swooped near
and Man prayed at a temple
in the background, a giantess's silhouette.
Moon was there too,
along with a playful water
and soft sand that coated my entirety.
I let the waves toss me into the sand
after I beached myself
and felt first land on my elbows and knees
Clear, clear water dripped from my nose, my brow, my hair
trailing lines across my skin
magnifying the silver bracelet in droplets
Black hair
Pink lady
White soles
The sand prickled and tingled
so I plunged back from whence I came
the Human Seltzer
As I dove into silence
well - a distant roar was there too
Smacked my body into a wave
I gasped,
felt my elbows
bold moonlight shone on bugs on my hair.
Secret Beach*
Swim in gorges
Sunsets and blue clouds
and pink highlights.
I was energized and charged
I saw a chariot taking souls to the gods
and I was cast in a ethereal light that reached up to the sky.
Cotton eagles swooped near
and Man prayed at a temple
in the background, a giantess's silhouette.
Moon was there too,
along with a playful water
and soft sand that coated my entirety.
I let the waves toss me into the sand
after I beached myself
and felt first land on my elbows and knees
Clear, clear water dripped from my nose, my brow, my hair
trailing lines across my skin
magnifying the silver bracelet in droplets
Black hair
Pink lady
White soles
The sand prickled and tingled
so I plunged back from whence I came
the Human Seltzer
As I dove into silence
well - a distant roar was there too
Smacked my body into a wave
I gasped,
felt my elbows
bold moonlight shone on bugs on my hair.
number one, from before
July 13, 2010
Empire Beach, MI
I think I may have restless brain syndrome.
RBS.
The constant wondering and thinking and hypothesizing. Never a moments peace in my own head.
I abhor over-thinking, compromising.
The need to get over every single thought, idea, concept... it gets overwhelming.
Discontentment knocks on my door once again. I am uneasy and on guard, and I can't understand why.
I can't even give an accurate name or description to this feeling. It probably doesn't even have one.
What I'm writing are only mere fragments of what I want to describe.
Nadine once said that she wished there could be this universal language that every single being understood completely.
Like in dreams, where everything makes sense for some reason, no matter how bizarre or surreal. This ...ability wouldn't even need explanation or conscious comprehension as to why everything was so known and accepted. It would just be.
Empire Beach, MI
I think I may have restless brain syndrome.
RBS.
The constant wondering and thinking and hypothesizing. Never a moments peace in my own head.
I abhor over-thinking, compromising.
The need to get over every single thought, idea, concept... it gets overwhelming.
Discontentment knocks on my door once again. I am uneasy and on guard, and I can't understand why.
I can't even give an accurate name or description to this feeling. It probably doesn't even have one.
What I'm writing are only mere fragments of what I want to describe.
Nadine once said that she wished there could be this universal language that every single being understood completely.
Like in dreams, where everything makes sense for some reason, no matter how bizarre or surreal. This ...ability wouldn't even need explanation or conscious comprehension as to why everything was so known and accepted. It would just be.
read me
I literally just sat here for about 10 minutes trying to decide how to open my opening blog.
It seems like something that should be presented with more eloquence and style than how I'm doing it.
So, here's this.
The following entries will probably be versions of what I've physically written down in a journal of some sort.
The date they were actually written will be posted.
It's sort of a self editing process, I suppose.
We can't be too careful what we put on the internet now-a-days, kids.
It seems like something that should be presented with more eloquence and style than how I'm doing it.
So, here's this.
The following entries will probably be versions of what I've physically written down in a journal of some sort.
The date they were actually written will be posted.
It's sort of a self editing process, I suppose.
We can't be too careful what we put on the internet now-a-days, kids.
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