Oct. 26, 2010
A little dick of a guy snaps in, shrugs at the pastry case.
(Which I agree, and have noted previously that it is quite unimpressive.)
He greets the room as if we were anticipating his arrival and asks for a hot chocolate.
Every woman in the room knows instantly that they'd never give him a second thought.
Sunday, December 26, 2010
spit
Spit. Spit. Watch it fall. It's okay. If you aim, it'll hit those rocks on the roof. No one goes up there. Spit.
Now, isn't that a good time? God. From here, it looks like we could just step off. Like we're giants in the city. Spit again. See if you can see it land. Go on- spit.
Now, isn't that a good time? God. From here, it looks like we could just step off. Like we're giants in the city. Spit again. See if you can see it land. Go on- spit.
i'm gay for wolves
Sir, I can spit a cherry pit farther than you could ever hope to piss.
I grew up spittin pits
I'm from cherry land - I'm a cherry kind of a girl
I can huff
and puff
and blow
just like a big bad she-wolf, with these cherry lips of mine.
I grew up spittin pits
I'm from cherry land - I'm a cherry kind of a girl
I can huff
and puff
and blow
just like a big bad she-wolf, with these cherry lips of mine.
an entry that confuses me
"Crawling around on my knees, picking up spider carcases" floats into the air.
At the same time, I get a note from the Guatemalan thanking me for the single fishnet stocking I lent him, with instructions not to do anything weird with it.
Señorita, donde esta?
Sexy.
"He was practically a Jesus except for the son of God part".
At the same time, I get a note from the Guatemalan thanking me for the single fishnet stocking I lent him, with instructions not to do anything weird with it.
Señorita, donde esta?
Sexy.
"He was practically a Jesus except for the son of God part".
starbucks
Oct. 20, 2010
I'm staring a tattooed ass crack in the face.
Beneath it, a chair strains.
Beneath that, cracked and dirty heels spill over sandal soles.
The curdled milk is spotted with dark green ink stains of mold.
Blurred, stretched, faded.
All the while an insecure mouth spews forth words geared for approval and acceptance
But all I can think about is that poor, buckling chair
With its dusty spindles.
I'm staring a tattooed ass crack in the face.
Beneath it, a chair strains.
Beneath that, cracked and dirty heels spill over sandal soles.
The curdled milk is spotted with dark green ink stains of mold.
Blurred, stretched, faded.
All the while an insecure mouth spews forth words geared for approval and acceptance
But all I can think about is that poor, buckling chair
With its dusty spindles.
a third quote
"It's a small world," I observed.
"When you put it in a cemetery it is."
-Cat's Cradle
"When you put it in a cemetery it is."
-Cat's Cradle
an observation
Oct. 19, 2010
Riverwalk*
Marriage is a fad with a long half life
True love is old fashioned and obsolete
So it only makes sense that fucking is as damaging as always.
Riverwalk*
Marriage is a fad with a long half life
True love is old fashioned and obsolete
So it only makes sense that fucking is as damaging as always.
gross
Hey Fat Fat,
Trust me on this one: you don't want to speak with her
She hasn't showered since Sunday
The hat's to hide the greasy roots
Her teeth still reek of sleep
Orbit isn't fooling anyone (what a joke!)
Stale deodorant mingles with fresh sweat
One eye brow is shorter than the other
Want to know why?
She's so crazy she was startled tweezing
So you don't want to talk to her
Sub-par
Apathetic
Two day old socks, wool at that!
Instead, look at me with my breasts my chest
My lips my hips
My eyes, stuck open with mascara
Isn't that cute?
I smell like a chain beauty story and my daddy's a motherfucking bastard and aren't those tears nice?
What about the running eye makeup, the snotty nose?
You see, this way lip gloss is an unnecessary expense.
Kisses,
Coco Bean
Trust me on this one: you don't want to speak with her
She hasn't showered since Sunday
The hat's to hide the greasy roots
Her teeth still reek of sleep
Orbit isn't fooling anyone (what a joke!)
Stale deodorant mingles with fresh sweat
One eye brow is shorter than the other
Want to know why?
She's so crazy she was startled tweezing
So you don't want to talk to her
Sub-par
Apathetic
Two day old socks, wool at that!
Instead, look at me with my breasts my chest
My lips my hips
My eyes, stuck open with mascara
Isn't that cute?
I smell like a chain beauty story and my daddy's a motherfucking bastard and aren't those tears nice?
What about the running eye makeup, the snotty nose?
You see, this way lip gloss is an unnecessary expense.
Kisses,
Coco Bean
the softest spot
Oct. 19, 2010
Riverwalk*
The coldest spot is always between the thighs
Right in the middle of that little patch of skin on either side that rub against each other,
buff each other - creating the softest spot
Or so the first boy to touch there said.
Skin; we abuse it, take it for granted, want to disown it
So someone else had to call attention to it
Shine it in a subtle, seductive light
Imagine it white with the whitest of flesh
Punctuated with a freckle
Imagine the incomparable velvet, the dough
Because it's true - it is the softest, bestest part
The whipped cream on top, underneath, and in between
Riverwalk*
The coldest spot is always between the thighs
Right in the middle of that little patch of skin on either side that rub against each other,
buff each other - creating the softest spot
Or so the first boy to touch there said.
Skin; we abuse it, take it for granted, want to disown it
So someone else had to call attention to it
Shine it in a subtle, seductive light
Imagine it white with the whitest of flesh
Punctuated with a freckle
Imagine the incomparable velvet, the dough
Because it's true - it is the softest, bestest part
The whipped cream on top, underneath, and in between
never stopping at crosswalks
Oct. 19th
Riverwalk*
She walked with attention
Her back straight, her breast out
A smooth jawline extending from the lifted chin
Her stride was long with efficient elegance
And she looked herself in the eye
As store windows passed by in blurred still shots
Riverwalk*
She walked with attention
Her back straight, her breast out
A smooth jawline extending from the lifted chin
Her stride was long with efficient elegance
And she looked herself in the eye
As store windows passed by in blurred still shots
rochambo, coffee and tea house
Oct. 19th, 2010
What a rad place. Totes cool.
Decent coffee, too. Fair trade, organic... the such.
It brims with hipsters and indie style. Everyone and their apple paraphernalia, their tight pants, and tattoos.
The girl next to me has a stocking cap on, an uninspiring combo of skirt and tights, and absolutely massive hunter orange knee socks. She's got face rings up the wazoo, and totally fucking retro sneakers. Unlaced, of course.
Up on surrounding shelves there are old beer jugs, bottles.
Older tea tins, jars.
A sad little bakery shelf sits on the counter. It needs better illumination. I'd want to buy a treat if it were less pasty and janky looking.
Now that I think about, some of their wall hangings could be organized into a more pleasing layout.
But hey! These are the quirks that make a place like this charming, do they not?
The more damaged... the more revered something is, isn't it?
Two couples just walked in.
One's definitely official... have been together for a while.
The other is probably just out on their first few dates, if not the first.
The first two came in holding hands, chatted with the barista, ordered, goofed around.
The second pair stood a measured distance apart at the counter as they carefully chose their drinks.
He listened attentively to her, she picked at threads while he paid.
He lets her lead the way. She's been here once, which is once more than him.
Small talk, uninteresting stories, awkward chatter laughter.
They're not to be envied.
What a rad place. Totes cool.
Decent coffee, too. Fair trade, organic... the such.
It brims with hipsters and indie style. Everyone and their apple paraphernalia, their tight pants, and tattoos.
The girl next to me has a stocking cap on, an uninspiring combo of skirt and tights, and absolutely massive hunter orange knee socks. She's got face rings up the wazoo, and totally fucking retro sneakers. Unlaced, of course.
Up on surrounding shelves there are old beer jugs, bottles.
Older tea tins, jars.
A sad little bakery shelf sits on the counter. It needs better illumination. I'd want to buy a treat if it were less pasty and janky looking.
Now that I think about, some of their wall hangings could be organized into a more pleasing layout.
But hey! These are the quirks that make a place like this charming, do they not?
The more damaged... the more revered something is, isn't it?
Two couples just walked in.
One's definitely official... have been together for a while.
The other is probably just out on their first few dates, if not the first.
The first two came in holding hands, chatted with the barista, ordered, goofed around.
The second pair stood a measured distance apart at the counter as they carefully chose their drinks.
He listened attentively to her, she picked at threads while he paid.
He lets her lead the way. She's been here once, which is once more than him.
Small talk, uninteresting stories, awkward chatter laughter.
They're not to be envied.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
another quote
"Also, John Wayne might have kicked cancer, but you shoulda seen his foot."
-Bob Dylan, Tarantula
-Bob Dylan, Tarantula
no impact
Oct. 17th, 2010
Parking lot Rooftop*****
Her joints always tasted of Cherry Chapstick.
Nothing more is coming to me.
Nothing more, for once.
For now, until later?
Blissful apprehension
Curiosity
Okay!
There's a block shortly after this
A cement wall
Startinngggggg.....
now.
NOW.
My head, my thoughts
I don't talk to myself...
nothing amusingly acceptable like that,
I think to myself
I think myself to sleep
to open my eyes
to realize
And then it stops
Just like that
The verse ends, the chorus repeats
It's like I'm preaching to an empty court
And it's not that they left
It's that they never were there.
Parking lot Rooftop*****
Her joints always tasted of Cherry Chapstick.
Nothing more is coming to me.
Nothing more, for once.
For now, until later?
Blissful apprehension
Curiosity
Okay!
There's a block shortly after this
A cement wall
Startinngggggg.....
now.
NOW.
My head, my thoughts
I don't talk to myself...
nothing amusingly acceptable like that,
I think to myself
I think myself to sleep
to open my eyes
to realize
And then it stops
Just like that
The verse ends, the chorus repeats
It's like I'm preaching to an empty court
And it's not that they left
It's that they never were there.
a quote
"I'm really aware of everything... but not really sure of anything. You know?"
-Jim Morrison
-Jim Morrison
untitled no. 6
Girl sees boy at bus stop, as she walks by.
Girl stops, asks boy how much longer the bus would be.
Boy says a few minutes.
Girl nods, waits.
They make small talk.
They board bus.
Boy asks girl where she's going.
Girl says she doesn't know.
Boy asks why?
Girl responds, I was just getting on with you. I wanted to talk to you.
Boy is surprised and confused.
Boy asks, why did you ask when the bus was coming then?
Girl tells him it was to see how long she'd have to wait. If she should stick around or keep walking.
Boy asks what if the bus was another 20 minutes away?
Girl blinks.
I'd have kept walking.
Girl stops, asks boy how much longer the bus would be.
Boy says a few minutes.
Girl nods, waits.
They make small talk.
They board bus.
Boy asks girl where she's going.
Girl says she doesn't know.
Boy asks why?
Girl responds, I was just getting on with you. I wanted to talk to you.
Boy is surprised and confused.
Boy asks, why did you ask when the bus was coming then?
Girl tells him it was to see how long she'd have to wait. If she should stick around or keep walking.
Boy asks what if the bus was another 20 minutes away?
Girl blinks.
I'd have kept walking.
a good night
Oct. 14th, 2010
County Clare, Astor St.*
With the shining of the moon
and the parting of the clouds
and the ascension of the cathedral
aye. and the shaking of the tukhus too!
Laundromats smell so good.
It's unfortunate that a church is right across the street.
The scent of leaves is finally something that masks the smell of the the city.
I love it.
Their crunch
Their munch
Their polka-dot lunch
County Clare, Astor St.*
With the shining of the moon
and the parting of the clouds
and the ascension of the cathedral
aye. and the shaking of the tukhus too!
Laundromats smell so good.
It's unfortunate that a church is right across the street.
The scent of leaves is finally something that masks the smell of the the city.
I love it.
Their crunch
Their munch
Their polka-dot lunch
i desire
I desire everything that defines a man:
the heavy brows
the jawline
the bulk under rough skin
the hair
the long limbs
the big hands
the testosterone and courage and butt-headedness
and the penis that drives all of these things...
the care, the safety, the largeness,
and the soul that holds all of these things...
I want it all.
the heavy brows
the jawline
the bulk under rough skin
the hair
the long limbs
the big hands
the testosterone and courage and butt-headedness
and the penis that drives all of these things...
the care, the safety, the largeness,
and the soul that holds all of these things...
I want it all.
oh, bother
Oct. 11
Humanities, MIAD
I'm not sure to start this one without sound too... needy, desperate, lonely...
But the truth is, I am. Lonely, I mean.
I find it quite unbearable to listen to girlfriends speak about boyfriends, and vice verse.
And I feel wretched about this! These are my friends, my companions...
I should be there for them to vent, to brag, to just listen.
The night Nadine and Tyler found each other, I cried.
I teared up when she told me, wept when she explained.
I have no future prospects that I can see, and this is utterly depressing.
I know I'm "young" and "shouldn't waste youth on a guy" and that I'll have "plenty of opportunities" etc.
But it's hard to stay focused on these points when everywhere around me I am confronted with happiness, relationships, love.
This begs the question, What is wrong with me that I remain in such solitude?
I've had very minor, very brief, very insignificant flings.
I suppose I should just be patient and realize that something is happening with me internally and that I need to sort myself out before I can begin anything else.
But oh, how lonely it does get...
Of course, the sexuality question pops into my mind.
I know that I'm straight, yet I can still appreciate the power and sexual desire women create in others.
I can also see this in men.
I know this because of the subtle, everyday hints the men I encounter give me, whether they know it or not.
Id say that the vast majority of the time they are quite unaware.
For example: I find the way my English teacher dresses very appealing. His jeans, his sweaters... I want to be a part of that with someone. Yet I am in no way attracted to the man himself.
And the love stories and passionate affairs in real life, in movies, in everywhere - I long for them.
I long for someone to look at me.
And yet I cannot fathom who this someone might be,
nor imagine being capable of feeling anything back.
So, I think that this is a problem, yes?
Yes.
Humanities, MIAD
I'm not sure to start this one without sound too... needy, desperate, lonely...
But the truth is, I am. Lonely, I mean.
I find it quite unbearable to listen to girlfriends speak about boyfriends, and vice verse.
And I feel wretched about this! These are my friends, my companions...
I should be there for them to vent, to brag, to just listen.
The night Nadine and Tyler found each other, I cried.
I teared up when she told me, wept when she explained.
I have no future prospects that I can see, and this is utterly depressing.
I know I'm "young" and "shouldn't waste youth on a guy" and that I'll have "plenty of opportunities" etc.
But it's hard to stay focused on these points when everywhere around me I am confronted with happiness, relationships, love.
This begs the question, What is wrong with me that I remain in such solitude?
I've had very minor, very brief, very insignificant flings.
I suppose I should just be patient and realize that something is happening with me internally and that I need to sort myself out before I can begin anything else.
But oh, how lonely it does get...
Of course, the sexuality question pops into my mind.
I know that I'm straight, yet I can still appreciate the power and sexual desire women create in others.
I can also see this in men.
I know this because of the subtle, everyday hints the men I encounter give me, whether they know it or not.
Id say that the vast majority of the time they are quite unaware.
For example: I find the way my English teacher dresses very appealing. His jeans, his sweaters... I want to be a part of that with someone. Yet I am in no way attracted to the man himself.
And the love stories and passionate affairs in real life, in movies, in everywhere - I long for them.
I long for someone to look at me.
And yet I cannot fathom who this someone might be,
nor imagine being capable of feeling anything back.
So, I think that this is a problem, yes?
Yes.
observations. reservations, contemplations
No one's nice anymore
Every one's dirty
I just mistook a child's foot for a spider
Ten cent pistols ring in my ears
This town has nothing
A laundromat next to a bar tending school
So I guess that's something.
So I guess fuck you.
untitled no. 5
Mass transit rolls away overhead
The river runs deep
Cold air is there, as always
Milwaukee smells like period
Blood hangs in the air-
-the smog - the enveloping womb.
Rumored to be a a messy birth,
s'all I'm sayin...
The river runs deep
Cold air is there, as always
Milwaukee smells like period
Blood hangs in the air-
-the smog - the enveloping womb.
Rumored to be a a messy birth,
s'all I'm sayin...
untitled no. 4
A pressure down below
bursts Forth
spewing a warming,
numbing sauce with it
my own personal geyser
God, I have to pee.
bursts Forth
spewing a warming,
numbing sauce with it
my own personal geyser
God, I have to pee.
untitled no. 3
I'm a 1950's beatnik
The River's won the gamble
Tempos rise
And S'creaming Tuna sticks out like a thore sumb.
The River's won the gamble
Tempos rise
And S'creaming Tuna sticks out like a thore sumb.
excuses
+Why is that cigarette broken up?
-I'm trying to quite. I play with it rather than smoke it.
+What are those eye drops for?
-I put them in my eyes to make myself feel like I'm crying.
+...?
-I'm really screwed up. Lots of issues. Can't cry any other way. Abusive parents, asshole boyfriends.... that whole lot.
-I'm trying to quite. I play with it rather than smoke it.
+What are those eye drops for?
-I put them in my eyes to make myself feel like I'm crying.
+...?
-I'm really screwed up. Lots of issues. Can't cry any other way. Abusive parents, asshole boyfriends.... that whole lot.
high there!
Oct. 7th, 2010
Riverwalk, where else?
I dedicate this entry to being blown.
This is the most clear headed high I've ever had.
It's simply amazing.
I feel so... keen... so calm.
Heightened.
High.
I mixed about a fourth of a cig and half a bowl's worth of Dunegrass Chronic.
Fucked me three ways to Sunday at first.
But tonight - tonight is good.
I just went out on a photo shoo of the cit at night, which might be a causing factor in my current contentment.
Johnny Flynn also helps.
That's the thing I love and hate about being stoned.
It's never the same twice! There are so many factors involved!
Currently, the weed is lingering in the back of my throat
eyes
brain
A mellow, quiet friend
While the tobacco is exciting
passionate
intense
That only lasts so long.
She's like weed.
He's like nicotine.
Time for more of both.
As a side note, I've gotten really prime at putting eye drops in.
I don't even have to use two hands anymore.
"Look, ma! One hand!" said the future exhibitionist.
Riverwalk, where else?
I dedicate this entry to being blown.
This is the most clear headed high I've ever had.
It's simply amazing.
I feel so... keen... so calm.
Heightened.
High.
I mixed about a fourth of a cig and half a bowl's worth of Dunegrass Chronic.
Fucked me three ways to Sunday at first.
But tonight - tonight is good.
I just went out on a photo shoo of the cit at night, which might be a causing factor in my current contentment.
Johnny Flynn also helps.
That's the thing I love and hate about being stoned.
It's never the same twice! There are so many factors involved!
Currently, the weed is lingering in the back of my throat
eyes
brain
A mellow, quiet friend
While the tobacco is exciting
passionate
intense
That only lasts so long.
She's like weed.
He's like nicotine.
Time for more of both.
As a side note, I've gotten really prime at putting eye drops in.
I don't even have to use two hands anymore.
"Look, ma! One hand!" said the future exhibitionist.
mindfuck
Where are you, you ask?
I'm at the junction of silly and ridiculous.
I am in a mindfuck.
I am being fucked. In the mind.
And not in the nice way.
I'm at the junction of silly and ridiculous.
I am in a mindfuck.
I am being fucked. In the mind.
And not in the nice way.
i blame it on the marijuana
Oct. 6, 2010
Riverwalk
Milwaukee, WI***
Earth wind air fire
It's all we need.
Everything will come
from them.
We're going to have an eventual apocalypse, I do hope you realize.
It won't be for a while yet
Although it's approaching faster and faster
Faster than was originally planned.
It'll come when technology truly
rules everything.
When we literally never think for ourselves
When we have no emotion, no love, no ... soul.
It's starting already in GE's baby clinics.
Parents take their infants - legitimate newborns to be poked and prodded and educated in these day cares.
These babies don't have their own mothers to coo at them 24/7, they don't grow up in their own homes.
When it comes, it won't kill us.
Not at all.
But it will eliminate every single man made object-
every barbie, iPod, car...
And it will shock us.
We will be incapable of functioning
Incapable of cognitively remembering
But something down in our core, our souls
Will terrify and haunt us so completely, that we'll revert
We'll start a new.
We'll be naked
and illiterate
and innocent
and Alive!
We'll feel, for once
Feel compassion, anger, joy, love, grief
Jealousy, hatred and prejudice won't be there.
They'll have yet to be spawned.
Evolution and creation will ensue.
The process will start over.
It's the universes way of protecting itself.
We are its dirty play things,
We'll kill is slowly slowly slowly, again
Until nothing.
Riverwalk
Milwaukee, WI***
Earth wind air fire
It's all we need.
Everything will come
from them.
We're going to have an eventual apocalypse, I do hope you realize.
It won't be for a while yet
Although it's approaching faster and faster
Faster than was originally planned.
It'll come when technology truly
rules everything.
When we literally never think for ourselves
When we have no emotion, no love, no ... soul.
It's starting already in GE's baby clinics.
Parents take their infants - legitimate newborns to be poked and prodded and educated in these day cares.
These babies don't have their own mothers to coo at them 24/7, they don't grow up in their own homes.
When it comes, it won't kill us.
Not at all.
But it will eliminate every single man made object-
every barbie, iPod, car...
And it will shock us.
We will be incapable of functioning
Incapable of cognitively remembering
But something down in our core, our souls
Will terrify and haunt us so completely, that we'll revert
We'll start a new.
We'll be naked
and illiterate
and innocent
and Alive!
We'll feel, for once
Feel compassion, anger, joy, love, grief
Jealousy, hatred and prejudice won't be there.
They'll have yet to be spawned.
Evolution and creation will ensue.
The process will start over.
It's the universes way of protecting itself.
We are its dirty play things,
We'll kill is slowly slowly slowly, again
Until nothing.
the one about love
Relationships sail somewhat like this
or so I thought on Oct. 5th, 2010...
Everyone plays a role in the world. Certain roles attract certain people.
These are what we call friends.
From these friends spring interests - attractions
These are the crushes, the lovers
If you and they are so lucky
Because some don't always work out or even meet up.
They are the impatient ones, the ones who settle for less.
If even one person does that
One!
It would fuck everything else up.
And since there happen to be a lot of these folks who settle,
We scarcely believe in true love anymore.
And for the record, true love = souls connected from the first birth to the last death.
Whether known or unknown.
Everything is transcendental-
Humans and animals and plants and every single living thing.
Some are just lucky to have it come first try
Some are lucky to have numerous, passionate affairs and still find their true soul mate
Some are may never love at all
Or
They might find one another at the very last instant in life
...There is an afterlife to look forward to, after all.
And I hear the the orgasms are spectacular.
or so I thought on Oct. 5th, 2010...
Everyone plays a role in the world. Certain roles attract certain people.
These are what we call friends.
From these friends spring interests - attractions
These are the crushes, the lovers
If you and they are so lucky
Because some don't always work out or even meet up.
They are the impatient ones, the ones who settle for less.
If even one person does that
One!
It would fuck everything else up.
And since there happen to be a lot of these folks who settle,
We scarcely believe in true love anymore.
And for the record, true love = souls connected from the first birth to the last death.
Whether known or unknown.
Everything is transcendental-
Humans and animals and plants and every single living thing.
Some are just lucky to have it come first try
Some are lucky to have numerous, passionate affairs and still find their true soul mate
Some are may never love at all
Or
They might find one another at the very last instant in life
...There is an afterlife to look forward to, after all.
And I hear the the orgasms are spectacular.
Monday, November 22, 2010
random thoughts, no. 1
-Jack-ass in the box, please go fuck yourself.
-My handwriting changes more often than does my underware.
-My handwriting changes more often than does my underware.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
untitled no. 2
October 4, 2010
Riverwalk, WI*
What do you do when the only person you can talk to is the last person you want to talk to?
Riverwalk, WI*
What do you do when the only person you can talk to is the last person you want to talk to?
things, or, i don't know
September 29th, 2010
Catalano Square, WI
My head is full of everything. I never have a moments peace between myself and my surroundings.
And, the thing is, I'm not sure why this is. I don't know if it's because I grew up in a culture always expecting change and improvement. I don't know if others feel the things I do, in the way that I do.
There must be variations of it - as I've said, there's a black and white to every and all things, but there are also countess shades of unimaginable colors in between.
I do know that this is me and that I'm pretty sure I'll be this way for a while. I'll think these things, in these ways. I have things to accomplish, things to change. Things I can't possible foresee.
I have to accept this. I do accept this. Because I believe that somewhere down the road something good and great and delightful awaits me.
I have to believe that.
I'd like to get a jump start on things but I also need to establish myself.
Should I finish school? Should I have even gone? Maybe if I were out doing something else with my life, my time, I'd realize that something else was my calling... or maybe I'd find some 100% once in a lifetime opportunities that were granted to me based on character, talent, and who I am rather than what any degree tells me and others what it is that I should be doing.
I just don't know! I guess I'm not supposed to.
As of now, I need to live for myself through helping others - doing the most basic and essential things. I'll give back everything, eventually. I have no desire to owe or to be indebted or anyone thing, place, or person; materials, emotions, physical objects, conceptual things...
I also have no desire to fuel the unnecessary. This includes luxuries, yet does not exclude the experience of having a good time with life, letting go, and enjoying whatever it is in front of me.
Example: working in a chocolate shop does not provide the most necessary services to others or to myself, but enjoying the company of others, the flavors of great food and drink... this is what makes a life.
I am human.
I can't be a completely listless shell.
Everything in moderation, right?
But I struggle. I have internal and external conflicts. I over think and second guess. I want to be interesting and noteworthy, but feel guilt for having those desires.
Yet where would I be if it weren't for those who inspired me with their own creativity and individuality?
Oh, who can begin to understand anything.
My strongest consolation as of now is that by writing, acknowledging, and doing this little by little I am releasing myself. It won't ever all come at once... and it might not ever come at all. But there's this feeling I've got. A mixture of hope, fear, inspiration, restlessness, and despair that keeps pushing me.
It's just a matter of how strong I can be when I need strength and how humble I can be when I need help.
Maybe some day all of these musings and proclamations will come to a head and help me in some way. And if not, then it at least calms me now.
Catalano Square, WI
My head is full of everything. I never have a moments peace between myself and my surroundings.
And, the thing is, I'm not sure why this is. I don't know if it's because I grew up in a culture always expecting change and improvement. I don't know if others feel the things I do, in the way that I do.
There must be variations of it - as I've said, there's a black and white to every and all things, but there are also countess shades of unimaginable colors in between.
I do know that this is me and that I'm pretty sure I'll be this way for a while. I'll think these things, in these ways. I have things to accomplish, things to change. Things I can't possible foresee.
I have to accept this. I do accept this. Because I believe that somewhere down the road something good and great and delightful awaits me.
I have to believe that.
I'd like to get a jump start on things but I also need to establish myself.
Should I finish school? Should I have even gone? Maybe if I were out doing something else with my life, my time, I'd realize that something else was my calling... or maybe I'd find some 100% once in a lifetime opportunities that were granted to me based on character, talent, and who I am rather than what any degree tells me and others what it is that I should be doing.
I just don't know! I guess I'm not supposed to.
As of now, I need to live for myself through helping others - doing the most basic and essential things. I'll give back everything, eventually. I have no desire to owe or to be indebted or anyone thing, place, or person; materials, emotions, physical objects, conceptual things...
I also have no desire to fuel the unnecessary. This includes luxuries, yet does not exclude the experience of having a good time with life, letting go, and enjoying whatever it is in front of me.
Example: working in a chocolate shop does not provide the most necessary services to others or to myself, but enjoying the company of others, the flavors of great food and drink... this is what makes a life.
I am human.
I can't be a completely listless shell.
Everything in moderation, right?
But I struggle. I have internal and external conflicts. I over think and second guess. I want to be interesting and noteworthy, but feel guilt for having those desires.
Yet where would I be if it weren't for those who inspired me with their own creativity and individuality?
Oh, who can begin to understand anything.
My strongest consolation as of now is that by writing, acknowledging, and doing this little by little I am releasing myself. It won't ever all come at once... and it might not ever come at all. But there's this feeling I've got. A mixture of hope, fear, inspiration, restlessness, and despair that keeps pushing me.
It's just a matter of how strong I can be when I need strength and how humble I can be when I need help.
Maybe some day all of these musings and proclamations will come to a head and help me in some way. And if not, then it at least calms me now.
untitled no. 1
September 28th, 2010
Milwaukee, WI***
I'll be like this for a while
I must accept it before I fall asleep
It's a destiny.
Some have fortunes that they achieve, full fill
Some have fates and fuck everything up
So they just fade out-
Among those who were never given a destination at all
There are levels, degrees, variables
Never just black and white.
It's an entire range in between!
Rotating, swirling, mixing
Forever moving outward
The white center is birth and mother
The black is fading life - essentially death
Red is the hottest, closest to Origin
It's a continuum, after all
A Movement without breaks
All stops pulled, ready to go
Milwaukee, WI***
I'll be like this for a while
I must accept it before I fall asleep
It's a destiny.
Some have fortunes that they achieve, full fill
Some have fates and fuck everything up
So they just fade out-
Among those who were never given a destination at all
There are levels, degrees, variables
Never just black and white.
It's an entire range in between!
Rotating, swirling, mixing
Forever moving outward
The white center is birth and mother
The black is fading life - essentially death
Red is the hottest, closest to Origin
It's a continuum, after all
A Movement without breaks
All stops pulled, ready to go
strawberry fields
Boy sits on bed.
Girl joins him.
They sit, face to face. Staring.
Girl gives boy a hand mirror to hold.
She begins to put on her makeup.
foundation,
eyeliner,
shadow,
mascara,
blush,
lipstick,
gloss
If looks could kill.
Girl joins him.
They sit, face to face. Staring.
Girl gives boy a hand mirror to hold.
She begins to put on her makeup.
foundation,
eyeliner,
shadow,
mascara,
blush,
lipstick,
gloss
If looks could kill.
i thought
September 14, 2010
Milwaukee, WI*
I thought freezing juice in ice trays would be a wonderful treat.
I thought it'd be perfect for alleviating cotton mouth and the munchies.
I thought it'd be cool, tasty, healthy, refreshing.... all of the above.
But then I experience the worst brain freeze of my entire fucking life.
Currently, my ears are cold water.
Milwaukee, WI*
I thought freezing juice in ice trays would be a wonderful treat.
I thought it'd be perfect for alleviating cotton mouth and the munchies.
I thought it'd be cool, tasty, healthy, refreshing.... all of the above.
But then I experience the worst brain freeze of my entire fucking life.
Currently, my ears are cold water.
a stroll
September 12, 2010
Milwaukee, WI
I came across a praying mantis along the river walk tonight. She stood on a cement railing that was shrouded in a dim red light, cast off from some left over construction lights. At first she shied away from me, but then move closer, staring at me with huge black eyes. Button eyes, full of curiosity.
Being out in the city at night is both terrifying and exhilarating.
Due to a sidewalk closure I was directed onto the opposite side of the river that I had, up until that point, not ventured along. What a surprise! There were tangled copper archways lined with lights, ivy, and stones. The mellow lighting that was emitted complimented my mood almost perfectly.
A man with three teeth sat on a bench in Pere Marquette Park. On his lap was an open laptop and in his hand was a lit cigarette. He smiled, sticky gums protruding, and asked how I was doing. I answered, and returned the greeting.
"Doin' jes fine. Got meh cawfee and I'm surfin' the net."
Milwaukee, WI
I came across a praying mantis along the river walk tonight. She stood on a cement railing that was shrouded in a dim red light, cast off from some left over construction lights. At first she shied away from me, but then move closer, staring at me with huge black eyes. Button eyes, full of curiosity.
Being out in the city at night is both terrifying and exhilarating.
Due to a sidewalk closure I was directed onto the opposite side of the river that I had, up until that point, not ventured along. What a surprise! There were tangled copper archways lined with lights, ivy, and stones. The mellow lighting that was emitted complimented my mood almost perfectly.
A man with three teeth sat on a bench in Pere Marquette Park. On his lap was an open laptop and in his hand was a lit cigarette. He smiled, sticky gums protruding, and asked how I was doing. I answered, and returned the greeting.
"Doin' jes fine. Got meh cawfee and I'm surfin' the net."
Friday, November 19, 2010
isms
kathy,
sometimes i just lay awake at night and start thinking about my existence
and so
i have to call my mom
what's cannabis?
turn on some fiddler,
we're going to skype with the brothers
yours in growth,
bittersweet buttercup
sometimes i just lay awake at night and start thinking about my existence
and so
i have to call my mom
what's cannabis?
turn on some fiddler,
we're going to skype with the brothers
yours in growth,
bittersweet buttercup
terminal C17, enroute to Denver
dear fang,
beat's got a bitter boss
because a Ukraine girl fucked her husband
and she saw it through a window
so now they can't befriend the foreigners
or something
see you
beat's got a bitter boss
because a Ukraine girl fucked her husband
and she saw it through a window
so now they can't befriend the foreigners
or something
see you
three baths
July 16, 2010
Secret Beach*
Swim in gorges
Sunsets and blue clouds
and pink highlights.
I was energized and charged
I saw a chariot taking souls to the gods
and I was cast in a ethereal light that reached up to the sky.
Cotton eagles swooped near
and Man prayed at a temple
in the background, a giantess's silhouette.
Moon was there too,
along with a playful water
and soft sand that coated my entirety.
I let the waves toss me into the sand
after I beached myself
and felt first land on my elbows and knees
Clear, clear water dripped from my nose, my brow, my hair
trailing lines across my skin
magnifying the silver bracelet in droplets
Black hair
Pink lady
White soles
The sand prickled and tingled
so I plunged back from whence I came
the Human Seltzer
As I dove into silence
well - a distant roar was there too
Smacked my body into a wave
I gasped,
felt my elbows
bold moonlight shone on bugs on my hair.
Secret Beach*
Swim in gorges
Sunsets and blue clouds
and pink highlights.
I was energized and charged
I saw a chariot taking souls to the gods
and I was cast in a ethereal light that reached up to the sky.
Cotton eagles swooped near
and Man prayed at a temple
in the background, a giantess's silhouette.
Moon was there too,
along with a playful water
and soft sand that coated my entirety.
I let the waves toss me into the sand
after I beached myself
and felt first land on my elbows and knees
Clear, clear water dripped from my nose, my brow, my hair
trailing lines across my skin
magnifying the silver bracelet in droplets
Black hair
Pink lady
White soles
The sand prickled and tingled
so I plunged back from whence I came
the Human Seltzer
As I dove into silence
well - a distant roar was there too
Smacked my body into a wave
I gasped,
felt my elbows
bold moonlight shone on bugs on my hair.
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